Popularity Contest

The top baby names for 2011 are as follows. All well and good, but you are cooler than that -- here are some MASH-UPS!!!

A Limerick for Cammy

There once was a baby Hendy,

Whose name is sure to be trendy.

When mom pops you out,

Your aunties will shout:

Why little one, what is your gendy?

Babycakes

I promise for your first birthday, Untie Alice and I will bake you this cake:

A brief list of acceptable things you can be when you grow up:

1. a pterodactyl

2. shock radio talk show host

3. replacement of Kathy Lee and/or Hoda as host of 4th hour of Today Show (first three hours are worthless)

4. garden gnome sculptor/entrepreneur/performer

5. secret shopper for mulch and mulch products

6. myspace web programmer

7. a pterodactyl egg or organic free range pterodactyl egg farmer

8. midget goat farmer, but only if in Montana

9. some kind of doctor

10. Lady Gaga.

Peekaboo! We see you!

Dear beloved Cammy,

I bet you are asking yourself "Self, what did I look like when I was inside my Momzbo's womb?" Don't worry. Your Untie Stephie has it covered and will lay it down for you. While "scientists" and "medical professionals" may tell you that you look something like this:

I have taken it upon myself to make an artistic representation of you and what womb-babies actually look like. Behold:

In about four weeks your mermaid fin will wither into your backside, and your legflippers will turn into real babyfeet. Your fisheye will turn into a peopleeye. And your dorsal fin shall transform into your humanspine. Your gills will close up, and your green scales will turn into personskin. These are the kinds of scientific facts about life that I hope I can impart to you for the rest of your life.

1:20 PM Emo Song

1:20 PM Emo Song

-or-

Welcome to the World, Fishmonster!

Roses are red

violets ain't yellow

you are a zygote

swimming in jell-o

mom and dad's gametes

joined to make you

a tiny fish baby

... maybe even TWO! (or eight)

after five days

you become something new

a BLASTOCYST!!!

a tiny fishmonster, woo hoo!

inside the womb

you breathe with your gills

you eat what your mom eats

and encounter wombly thrills

It's dark and it's nice

inside the jell-o

but after nine months

you must come say hello!

Unt Steph and Unt Alice

are waiting with hope

that you'll swim out and join us

what a wonderful trope!

And we will love you

With all of our might

We love you baby Henderson

We love you day and night.

Baby Toupees

WOW, THESE ARE AMAZING!!





If you are lucky, Baby Henderson, we will make you one called The Tripp!

Get To Work

It is never too early to start making some money.
Here are some educational and practical gifts from your loving Frau-Masters:

1. Cleaning Trolley
Learn how to sweep, vacuum, dust, and mop before you can even speak.
Mommy will thank you.
And make sure you use bleach to really get the floors spic and span.
















2. Pole Dancing Polly
Good skills to have. Better learn while your young. Because you're not going to get any prettier with age, just throwing that out there...















3. Changing Station
Let's be honest -- nobody wants to clean up after you. Strap on a helmet and learn to do it yourself. Seriously, grow up.





















4. WTF?!
Holy shit, this is racist.